The time has almost come...

to say goodbye. Brad is home after a month of training in 29 Palms. He is home for about 2-3 weeks and then deploys. I do not know the date and won't know until 24-48 hours before hand. This is the most bitter-sweet time of my life. I wish I could either stop time or just hit fast-forward. I finally broke down last night and just cried. I have been holding these emotions in for so long because a) I'd rather not feel them and b) I need to be strong for Miles. I've been getting so mad at myself for getting attached to him again in just the few days he's been home. When he left for the desert it was like my heart just ripped in half. But then I think, he's my husband, I married him, of course I'm attached to him. The real problem is this deployment. It's just not natural for husband and wife to spend more than half a year separated by different parts of the world. Add the stress of war, wondering if I'll ever see him again, and single-parenting and...::sigh::

My hope is that time will just fly. It seems having kids really helps with that. I am thankful that he's leaving right before the Fall when things really pick up with preschool and other activities. My next hurdle after the big goodbye will be getting through the Holidays, then we'll be on the home stretch. Sweet, sweet homestretch.

I am already done with 2011. This is how I know I'm just done with the military because I hate wasting my life away waiting, waiting, waiting. You should never want to fast-forward your life. You should savor each day. I just find this impossible to do with Brad at war. How do I savor my days when he's so deprived? How do I relax and enjoy the sun on my skin when he's in a country full of people who wish death upon him. At the same time-- if I worry so much he's going to come home to a nut-case wife who's lost her mind. It's a tough balance.

Enough venting! I guess to sum this up... please pray for my husband, Brad, as he heads off to war and for me, the wife, to hold down the homefront and keep a smile on my face (even if it's one of those crazy smiles. )